Category: life

Suspension

Clear sky, spotted with few fluffy clouds. Light breeze caresses skin, as if trying to soothe her nerves. It would’ve been a perfect day, had it not been this ‘thing’ that’s been bothering her. Why, she wonders. Why is this happening, that is. But more importantly, why is she letting it get to her. It feels as if she’s hanging from a cliff, not knowing whether she’ll be rescued, or if she’ll fall. No amount of nature’s beauty will be able to tranquilize her in that situation. Or, will it? In another point of view, there isn’t much she can do, so why not try to enjoy the surroundings and find peace in it? Perception is a very strange thing. We all know that it can change our behaviors, and all it takes is just to change our perception. Yet it is, sometimes, more hard-wired that we allow ourselves to believe.

Like in this case, she could very well choose to think that this irritant, which she has no control over, is but a pimple. One that is irritating to live with, but it will either be ‘ripe’ and be popped out, or it will eventually go away. Either way, it’ll be fine. This ‘thing’ that’s bugging her will eventually be resolved too. Patience, and a different perspective, are all she needs.

Bite-size X’s

X #1. As I steer my way in and out of the human crowd during peak hours after work, I imagine myself watching my movements from a high vantage point. I must have looked like a tiny blip zig-zagging through the sea of other blips. There are times that I feel it’s harder to maneuver my way amidst the human traffic than it is driving on the 5-lane 405 freeway. Thank goodness PMS only happens once a month, else I’d be bald by now from all the pulling of own hair.

X #2: This island republic is over-saturated with consumption. I don’t mean it in a bad way. But it’s stands out like a sore eye, more so than her neighbors, probably because of its limited land and high human population density. Everywhere I turn, I see something calling out my name, seducing me to buy them. I feel trapped, claustrophobic even, surrounded by lures of Consumption. The irony is, being someone who loves living in big cities, this shouldn’t bother me, yet it does. My being so eerily conscious about this is having an effect on me, something which I can’t quite explain or fully understand. To be pondered upon further.

X #3: Dreams. It’s a big part of my life. I love having all sorts of dreams when I sleep. They say I’m not getting proper rest when I dream, but I couldn’t care less. Life would be less interesting without them, at least for me anyway. These days I have recurring dreams about snowboarding, except its not on snow, but water. (Is there a name for that sport? Don’t know what it’s called.) That, and water theme parks. Roller coasters in water theme parks. There is this particular ride that I keep dreaming about. And I’m constantly looking for someone, people whom I got separated from. It’s either i’m running away from someone, or chasing after someone. Wonder what it means, if it really means something.

X #4: Recently saw ‘Pi’ the movie. Very interesting movie, though can’t say I get the ending. Ivan, if you’re reading this, you should watch it (if you haven’t already)! Promise you’ll find it very interesting. And tell me what you think after watching it.

X #5: Patience is a difficult thing to acquire. Find myself getting antsy about things I have no control over, despite knowing very well I can’t do anything but wait. So for now, wait it is.

The Pricetag of A Human Life

Yesterday afternoon during lunch with colleague, she pointed out there’s been quite a number of bodies found in water (here in Singapore). There’s the maid in the water tank of a HDB flat; there’s the half-body found in Bedok reservoir; and there’s the body floating in Singapore River. Are there any others? I can’t remember.

Unless someone invented an immortal pill, death is something everyone has to go through. It’s nothing new, but there is something about it that bothers me — it’s how the living regards the dead that bemuses me, to a certain extent. I say “to a certain extent” because I can understand the “why”, but I question the validity of it.

That which bemuses me, is this: why do people feel so deeply for a celebrity’s death (like MJ, Princess D, etc. you get the drift) and yet can feel so much lesser, comparatively, if it’s “just” an unknown person that they somewhat knew but weren’t close with? Is this person “just” another person because he or she wasn’t famous enough to be known and remembered by a large enough group? Suppose all things are equal, the difference of reactions towards the two dead due to their status/level of fame (or the lack thereof) is what gets under my skin (albeit just a tiny bit, it’s there nonetheless).

So what? You may ask. Yes, indeed. So what if people react to the two dead people differently? Why did it irk me? They’re dead anyway, it wouldn’t make any difference to them.

Perhaps, you’re right. But I guess, to me, this indirectly reflects how we regard life, how we give different people a label of how much they’re worth – both in general, as in the case of celebrities; and to us, in the case of our daily lives. In fact, how we view the dead is not too far of from how we treat the living.

Observe your surroundings, and you’ll know what I mean. We’re all biased. That’s usually fine, because we’re all imperfect, but that doesn’t give us an excuse to mistreat or disrespect others.

Just something to think about. Maybe, just maybe, it may change how you behave to the stranger next to you.

Reflections on 2010

Two thousand and ten was, for me, a great year. I completed most of the things I said I would do, I visited a few places, I’m one step closer to my dream, had quite a few revelations, made quite a few good friends, met interesting people, but most of all, I had a few surprises thrown at me that I never thought would’ve happened in my lifetime. I am reminded, once again, that life is so much more than what our senses tell us, that there is something bigger going on in this universe. It sounds vague, but only because it is. We mortals only know so much about the universe, which is paltry compared to the vast amount of information yet to be learned.
I’ve learnt so much over the past year- not just concrete facts or information I learned in the healthcare courses, but something more abstract. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, what would’ve happened if I did one thing different in any point of life- just one, for all it takes is just one, single event to change everything. My life would have taken a different course, no doubt. And yet, I am sitting here typing this, instead of doing or thinking about anything else. As one who never believed everything was just a series of random occurrences, I’m convinced that there is a set of laws that governs life (and beyond), and this set of laws which is more commonly known as Fate, or Destiny, (or God?), continues to intrigue and humble me. 
I stepped into 2010 with very realistic expectations, but came out of it with a handful of surprises, and with a bagful of lessons. I am, if I may say so, a little wiser than I was in 2009, and my heart is filled with gratitude and humility. 2011 will be a life-changing year for me, and I will be starting a new chapter of life. How it will turn out I have no idea, but I’m hopeful. With luck, I’ll be able to embark on that road for which I’ve waited so long. Whatever it is though, I will embrace every moment with my open arms, and continue my journey learning and exploring as I go. I wish everyone the best in this new year to come. 🙂

Sand Brain

They say the texture of the brain is like tofu. Tonight though I feel that mine is like a pile of sand held together by water, which really isn’t working. Every grain of sand tries to adhere to one another but attempts are futile because they aren’t meant to be that way. My mind, alas, remains scattered all over the place; and I, for once, will just let it be. Tomorrow when the sun is out and the weather calm, I will sweep up them all up and mold them into one again.