Rats and Horses Don’t Get Along

October 5, 2011

You know what they say about people born in the year of Horse and people born in the year of Rat? That they don’t get along. Well there are 3 “rats” in my house right now- my mom, my uncle (dad’s brother) who stays with us on weekdays, and myself; and 2 “horses” – my dad and my (maternal) grandma. It’s funny now when I’m writing about it, but sometimes things can get really heated up, and it doesn’t always end well, especially between my grandma and mom; and between dad and myself. It’s not that big of a deal most of the time, but it’s really interesting to see how grandma always likes to irritate mom; and how dad likes to do the same to me. It’s like he finds joy in pushing the button in me and will declare victory when he succeeds in pissing me off. Well okay, I do agree it’s kinda fun (and funny) at times. Now that I’m not a child and he doesn’t play the dominant paternalistic role as much anymore, it’s okay for me to “answer back” when he said something that clearly doesn’t make sense. And so, it’s become our little game that we play so very often. It’s the equivalent of “poke” on facebook, or if you wanna use the ping pong analogy, that works too- this is our secret ping pong game. Other people may find it weird or see me as the disrespectful daughter, but that’s just what it seems from the outside. All I can say is, it’s not always what it seems to be.

Anyway- today is his birthday, and it’s the first birthday that I get to celebrate with him in the last 5 years. When I was away I didn’t really think it was a big deal to miss occasions like these, but it sure is great to be back home and being able to be there on birthdays, weddings, and all that stuff. Dad and I don’t always get along, but he’s still a great father to all of us, and he makes sure he gives us the best that he can afford. The reason I am who I am today is in large part due to him; and for better or worse, I wouldn’t want to change a thing. He won’t be reading this, nor do I intend to let him, but I do want to jot it down in words, in my not-so-private virtual space, “Thank you for everything, love you dad.” 🙂

Life in Numbers

October 2, 2011

Multivitamins I take every morning after breakfast – 7
Number of bumps between home and school – 17 or 18 (lost count)
Distance in km from home to school – 38 ish
Average time spent commuting from home to school and back every day – 2.25 hours
Average sleep every day – 5 hours
Times I caught myself saying “I’m hungry!” – twice/thrice per day
Times I actually feel hungry – uhh.. probably every two/three hours
Weight I lost – -1 or -2kg
Days since I last went for a run – 20+

Life- there’s more to it than those numbers of course. I just find myself having very little to say these days. Not at my best form right now, still trying to settle down at the new place, catching up with school work, etc. Don’t like the fact that I don’t get to work out, need to find a way to do that once I’m settled down. But for now, am going out for my weekly indulgence – best Penang hokkien mee in town! Yummmz 🙂

Back to School

September 18, 2011August 3, 2019

It’s not so much the idea of being back to school that excites me, but more of the fact that I finally get to learn all that I want to learn, and do what I want to do. Here’s to another four years of late-night mugging, pots of coffee, exams, sleepless nights and interesting stories. Here’s to ‘a new beginning’! 🙂

Connectedness

September 18, 2011

[photo from istock.com]

Sometimes, no matter how you avoid it, it will still happen. ‘It’ can be anything. Human connections, for example. You don’t get to choose who you meet, who your parents are, who your siblings are. Those are already pre-arranged for you, whether you like it or not. You can choose who to be friends with, but you can’t help being acquainted with people who come along your way. Some acquaintances can be brief and temporary, but once you know someone, you can’t undo that (unless you forget them in time, that is). Which brings me to this point: whatever you do or say to others, there will be consequences, regardless of it being significant or otherwise. It may be a few encouraging words, but it may be life-transforming to the person on the receiving end. Or it may be some hurtful words that came out unintentionally, yet was taken seriously and forever scarred the person listening to it. Every day we say and/or do thousands of things to countless people around us, but we don’t know what impact it has on them. Dispose the banana skin on the floor after you ate it, and some construction worker may step on it and break his back, causing him to be paralyzed and be forever bed-bound, and consequently causes him to lose his job. And who knows what may happen after that? Without insurance, his family may starve. Wife may leave him; daughter left school to take care of him, etc. etc. All this because of a reckless behavior of a person who didn’t put much thought in his/her action. Not that this will inevitably happen everytime someone tosses a banana skin on the ground, but point is, there is always a cascade effect to everything we do. It’s just not always obvious or visible.

There’s a Chinese saying that goes, “Think thrice before you do anything”. It’s definitely good advice that everyone should heed.

Singapore Flyer

September 2, 2011

Some pictures taken at the Singapore Flyer. My careless self brought a camera that ran out of battery, so could only take a few shots with my phone.

Oneiroi’s Orb, made up of circular artefacts from the past and present.

Journey of dreams.

View from inside the capsule.

View from above. Breathtaking!

View #2.

View #3.

Suspension

September 1, 2011

Clear sky, spotted with few fluffy clouds. Light breeze caresses skin, as if trying to soothe her nerves. It would’ve been a perfect day, had it not been this ‘thing’ that’s been bothering her. Why, she wonders. Why is this happening, that is. But more importantly, why is she letting it get to her. It feels as if she’s hanging from a cliff, not knowing whether she’ll be rescued, or if she’ll fall. No amount of nature’s beauty will be able to tranquilize her in that situation. Or, will it? In another point of view, there isn’t much she can do, so why not try to enjoy the surroundings and find peace in it? Perception is a very strange thing. We all know that it can change our behaviors, and all it takes is just to change our perception. Yet it is, sometimes, more hard-wired that we allow ourselves to believe.

Like in this case, she could very well choose to think that this irritant, which she has no control over, is but a pimple. One that is irritating to live with, but it will either be ‘ripe’ and be popped out, or it will eventually go away. Either way, it’ll be fine. This ‘thing’ that’s bugging her will eventually be resolved too. Patience, and a different perspective, are all she needs.

End of August and Such

August 29, 2011

Almost two-thirds of the year have gone by. So much has happened since the start of this year; hopefully more good things will happen in the next few weeks. Can’t write much bout it yet until it really happens. For now, I can only hope for the best.

With regard to the incident that prompted me to write the post ‘Weak’ some time ago, I finally made my stance clear and said NO. There was this lady who kept pushing her products to me, forcing me in a polite-but-pushy way (but still forcing nonetheless!) me to buy. I gave in the previous few times (which made me mad at self all this while). Not that those products are of bad quality or that I don’t like them, but the fact that she kept shoving it to my face annoyed the hell out of me. Where is the consumer’s freedom? Even if I like and want it, I have every right to decline buying it for whatever reasons I fancy. But no, to her I must buy from her, else she’d give me an attitude! Anyway, this time I stood firm and told her straight up – NO. In a just-as-polite way as she did trying to get me to buy, I told her to save her breath because I wasn’t going to buy no matter what she said. Holy cow, you should’ve seen how her face changed! It turned from an angelic smile to a bitchy green face, asking me why I didn’t want to get it. Like I owe her an explanation for that! Wanted to say “because I simply refuse to do so, and there’s nothing you can do bout it”! Or “because I just don’t like your face”. But didn’t. Refrained self from being nasty. Unnecessary. And so, at the end she said something which pretty much can be translated to “well fuck you” – if you know how to read facial expression and filter through the cynical remarks. I came so close to retort, but again decided against it. Not worth it, plus, I’m extremely proud of self for standing firm. When I got the message across and caused her to give up on me, I’ve clearly won in this “battle”. Victory! Heck yeah, don’t you come messing with me! Just because I’m nice most of the time doesn’t mean you can be a bully like that!

So yeah. Even though I was verbally assaulted, I was glad I didn’t give in after all. Gave self a little pat on back, and walked out relieved. In life, there’s always going to be people like that. Got to learn to protect self from those who will take advantage of us without hesitation. As for that lady, if she hadn’t been such a foulmouth at the end, I’d have given her some tips on how to sell to people more effectively. Oh well.

Bite-size X’s

August 20, 2011

X #1. As I steer my way in and out of the human crowd during peak hours after work, I imagine myself watching my movements from a high vantage point. I must have looked like a tiny blip zig-zagging through the sea of other blips. There are times that I feel it’s harder to maneuver my way amidst the human traffic than it is driving on the 5-lane 405 freeway. Thank goodness PMS only happens once a month, else I’d be bald by now from all the pulling of own hair.

X #2: This island republic is over-saturated with consumption. I don’t mean it in a bad way. But it’s stands out like a sore eye, more so than her neighbors, probably because of its limited land and high human population density. Everywhere I turn, I see something calling out my name, seducing me to buy them. I feel trapped, claustrophobic even, surrounded by lures of Consumption. The irony is, being someone who loves living in big cities, this shouldn’t bother me, yet it does. My being so eerily conscious about this is having an effect on me, something which I can’t quite explain or fully understand. To be pondered upon further.

X #3: Dreams. It’s a big part of my life. I love having all sorts of dreams when I sleep. They say I’m not getting proper rest when I dream, but I couldn’t care less. Life would be less interesting without them, at least for me anyway. These days I have recurring dreams about snowboarding, except its not on snow, but water. (Is there a name for that sport? Don’t know what it’s called.) That, and water theme parks. Roller coasters in water theme parks. There is this particular ride that I keep dreaming about. And I’m constantly looking for someone, people whom I got separated from. It’s either i’m running away from someone, or chasing after someone. Wonder what it means, if it really means something.

X #4: Recently saw ‘Pi’ the movie. Very interesting movie, though can’t say I get the ending. Ivan, if you’re reading this, you should watch it (if you haven’t already)! Promise you’ll find it very interesting. And tell me what you think after watching it.

X #5: Patience is a difficult thing to acquire. Find myself getting antsy about things I have no control over, despite knowing very well I can’t do anything but wait. So for now, wait it is.

TED Talk on Education

August 20, 2011

Many of you may agree that our education system today isn’t doing a great job educating our young ones, and something must be done. This TED talk by Sir Ken Robinson pointed out the problems of our education system today, and urged those who have the ability to make a change do something. I personally think that even if you’re not in the position to make a major difference, this 18-minute video may still benefit you, because who knows, it may change the way you educate your kids in the future. Enjoy!

Weak

August 14, 2011

if ‘saying no’ was an art, then i had to be the worst of the worst artists. still can’t believe i had zero will power in saying no, only to regret it now, which is pointless. too late. this is not the first time it’s happened to me. time and again, i failed to push back whatever force it was (be it people, or circumstances) coming towards me, nudging me to do things i don’t really (or really don’t) want to do. and for whatever reason, i gave in. urghhhhh i so hate myself right now!! why can’t i just say NO???!! i’m good at giving sound advice to friends about this, yet i can’t seem to do it when i most need to act on it. feel like giving myself a kick in the ass!

sure, self-loathing won’t do me any good. i know that. but knowing that doesn’t make me feel any less shittier. maybe i should ban myself from coffee for a week, as a punishment. or ban myself from any human contact (when not at work). maybe i should come up with a more pragmatic idea to help me say ‘no’ the next time i don’t want to do something. in the meantime though, this rant would suffice. i actually feel a tiny bit better than before i started writing. tomorrow’s a brand new week. can’t say i’m really looking forward to it. but one’s gotta do what one’s gotta do. just got to make the best outta it.

TGIF

July 29, 2011

man it’s been a longggggg week! couldn’t wait for it to be over, and now- thank goodness it’s the weekend!! part of me just wanna stay at home and chill and do nothing, but another part of me wants to go out and explore. for the past two weekends I’ve been traveling to and fro KL; the trips were worth it, but i need my sleep. 😛 pardon me for the dearth of posts lately, work has taken up most of my time (and energy!) the last thing i wanna do when i get home is to sit in front of my laptop.

it’s my grandaunt’s birthday today, we’re having dinner with her. waiting for my brother to head for dinner together. so while i wait, here i am! 🙂 some pictures: