The Hike

We were all so excited, talking about what we’d do when we get up there, how we’re going to conquer all odds and get up there no matter what, making sure we have enough snacks to fuel us the entire hike, wondering if any of us would get altitude sickness, and making sure if we needed the meds one of us would have it. The highlight of the trip was supposed to be the Mount Kinabalu climb. We were going to get up there, watch the sunrise, be surrounded by nature’s awesomeness, and take lots of photos. Alas, the weather wasn’t on our side on the second day, so we couldn’t make it to the summit. I guess we’ll have to go back there another day!

On one of the islands enjoying sea breeze and calming sound of waves. 
The PHAT members and our guides.

Bye Mount K. We’ll be back!
If only I could stay afloat on one of those fluffy clouds and see the world from high above…
Downhill is harder than going uphill, at least for me it is.
red leaves.
Waterfall on our way down

Last stop- Poring Hot Springs.

Untitled

It’s been quite a while since I last blogged, I don’t know what or how to blog anymore. And now I’m sitting here thinking why I’m even writing this. The thing is, I can’t remember why I keep a blog anymore. Maybe I should delete this whole blog, or remove it from public’s view. Maybe I should just stop blogging altogether.

Leaving for KK in a few hours. Am excited, and nervous at the same time- nervous about the climb, that is. This is the one highlight of my summer, I hope it doesn’t disappoint. Signing off! Will write more later, on the go.

A Book Review

Such compelling words! I certainly don’t want to be killed by the ignorance of my doctor, and more than that I don’t want to be the doctor whose ignorance may kill others. The title kinda piqued my curiosity, but I should’ve known better- that such compelling words is part of the marketing strategy. And yet, I read on, because I was too curious to know what he had to offer. Why, indeed, are we taught in medical school that as long as we eat a balanced diet, we don’t need nutritional supplements? Why is it generally frowned upon in the medical community?!

The book talked about how our body has its own natural healing power, and that the common threat of all diseases is the excessive oxidative stress that our body just can’t handle anymore. It then went on to give anecdotes about how taking nutritional supplements helped the patients come around- some were healed by it, some saw dramatic improvements. The book gave a pretty detailed description of the various disease processes, in the simplest way that anyone can understand without needing a lot of medical knowledge. The author also stressed that nutritional supplements is only complementary to whatever treatment that the patients were receiving, and it is by no means the only thing that the patient should take in order to be well again – a very important point because some people might have misunderstood the author thinking that just taking multi-vitamins is enough and will heal them completely.

I can see how non-medical people can learn a great deal from this book. It was probably more than an eye-opener to them- it would’ve totally convinced them that nutritional supplements is the way to go. For medical students or medical professionals, it offered a perspective other than what we were taught or what we were accustomed to. I can’t say I was enlightened by the book, but I give the author credit where credit is due. This book is primarily for general public to know their body a little better and to understand the disease processes that plague many of them, and ultimately it is a book written to encourage people to start taking care of their health- by taking nutritional supplements. For that, I think it’s done a tremendous job convincing people.

So. Just for fun, I’d rate the book a 3 out of 5. The title of the book, in my opinion, is exaggerated. But it did its job- it made you read what he has to say! It also did its job convincing you to start searching for the most trustworthy nutritional supplements the market has to offer, at which point you’ll come to realize that he was on the medical review board of the nutritional company called USANA (he’s moved on to ARIIX last year). The fact that the entire book sounded like a marketing tool also irritated me a little. (OK fine, it is a marketing tool.) It got a 3 out of 5 from me only because my personal view isn’t too far off from the author’s, in that I do believe nutritional supplements is beneficial to a person’s health, although there are many other factors at play too. In conclusion, unless you believe otherwise, I’d suggest reading something else that tells you things that you don’t already know! Go read something more fun, like the discovery of insulin. or 1Q84. 🙂

Souls.In Love

Souls in Love
By Hands Percussion

If our souls can be weighed, how much is given to love?
No one remains alone forever. We are bound by love.
Love is familiar. It is a part of us as we live and breathe, at every waking moment. Yet, can any of us truly grasp its meaning? Is there even a meaning to love?
Some say that modern day love is only imagery – it is passionate, it overwhelms, and is selfish.
We kill love with trivialities – who has taken too much, who has given too little. No one should stay if the love is unrequited.
Love is not always a sad tale about passions and regrets. Nor is it an unfaltering candle always burning bright.
Love is a schemer of the highest order, arousing all sorts of emotions within us at different times, and sometimes all at once. In love, we find warmth and cold, fight and desertion, joy and hatred, satisfaction and annoyance.
Some say we can measure the value of our existence by the weight of our love.
Love is never right or wrong.
We find love in the sweet whisperings of a young courting couple; and in the drone of a spinning, jaded city.
And sometimes we find love in complete silence.
Love penetrates, tussles, and scathes our hearts. Like a scar marked with its memories – it cannot be mended or erased. Like the multi-coloured shades of love, the gradient of our lives change with every encounter.
We all have tales of love of our own. Some are explicit, and others are locked away in the deep vaults of our hearts.
Love is an image. An abstract notion, yet so real.
愛・本相
靈魂的重量裏，到底有多少是給了愛？
世上的一切都不孤零，人融合於一個精神──愛。所謂「愛」，似乎人人都知曉，也被視為人之常性。但又有幾人真正明白愛的本質？
有人說我們身處在一個愛情泛濫又同時匱乏的年代。人與人之間總在計較，誰少愛了點，誰付出多一點。無論如何，沒人願意像賣火柴的小女孩，凝視著一根又一根劃亮火柴中所顯現的種種，最終只得幻象。
愛，不會只是鴛鴦蝴蝶，也不僅是閃爍著朱紅光芒的神龕。愛，含括了這個世界所有的殘酷與溫暖、所有的奮力與棄逃、所有的喜悅及悔恨、所有的燥烈及柔和……，更多的時候，是關於人們對自己存在價值的必然質疑。
Hands Percussion is one of my favorite performance group. Should check them out if you’re in KL! They are performing between August 9 and 12 at KLPAC. 

One-Hundred Tonne

tonight my heart feels like a hundred tonne. tonight it feels like the entire universe is weighing down on it. sifting through the old photos brought me back in time, like Alice (in Wonderland) spiraling down memory lane (or rather, tunnel) that seemed to have no end to it. i saw flashbacks of a number of people who were once so close to me, people i cared a lot for, but whom i don’t talk to anymore. sometimes i wonder, why do all this happen, why do friends stop talking to each other over time?! the best answer i could come up with is that life happens. people change, some moved away, some stayed back. everyone moves on. and then of course there are those whom you just can’t keep in touch with, no matter how much you wanted to. it was great while it lasted, but fleeting moments, however precious, once over, would just dissipate into thin air. and like two straight lines that crossed paths at one point, would only head towards two opposite directions. further and further away they move, as time passes by, until at some point you realize, there is nothing left save for a few photos, and memories. tons of them. and that’s all there is to it. all these memories, all these people, are what filled my heart with this inexplicable heaviness. inexplicable, because they’re weightless, yet so heavy. inexplicable because, i don’t know what this is. i miss, yet i don’t miss; i wanna go back, but i like it here too. deep down inside i know i can’t change anything. and so, if i could creep back in time as an invisible shadow, i’d like to give them a hug. a real tight hug, as my way of thanking them for having been part of my life. if i could, i would. but i can’t, so i shall wish them well from afar.  tonight though, this heaviness stays.

Summer Break Begins

Finally! Done with exams, no more worries about getting distracted, no more nightmares of dying patient asking for help! 😛

Oh what I’d do to get to a beach right now and spend some quality time with myself! But… no. Instead, I’m here, writing about going to the beach, picturing myself taking in deep breaths of fresh air, listening to the sound of waves, feeling the sand in between my toes – even that (which would usually make me squirm) makes being at the beach seem like a far better place to be than where I’m at right now. Oh well. Family trip was canceled, so here I am, trying to get some stuff done before I start on my summer research project.

It’s been exactly a week since our exam, which means I have 6 weeks of summer break left. Felt like I haven’t done anything, except hanging out with friends and brother. I tell myself it’s okay I deserve a break, but I better start working on the list of to-do’s before the summer ends. This is good though. Now that I have an overdose of brother-sister bonding, I can go back to working on my stuff whilst he returns to the lion city down south to start his college life. 🙂

Distracted

summer break is so close i can almost taste it. i’ve drawn up big plans of what to do, which books to read, who to meet, where to go, etc. and i just can’t waitttt!!!!! omg i’m so excited excited excited!  but why do exams always have to be on the last day of school? this thing that is between me and my freedom is killing me! i’ll be looking at my textbook and lecture slides but the mind is at the beach, curling up in bed enjoying a book, having good coffee good conversations with friends, sipping pina colada and enjoying the seabreeze… the list goes on.

… and then somehow i’m at a clinic with Mal and she points to the highly distended jugular veins of this lady lying on the exam bench, and she struggles to breathe, she’s turning blue, she reaches out to us and i see fear in her eyes. we’re supposed to do something but we don’t know what. shit shit shit that lady’s gonna die if we don’t do something about it what can we do, what should we give her, what drugs what drugs, beta blocker? ACE-I? wait or is it diuretics first? omg omg omg. the sudden panic attack brought me back to real life, and oh thank goodness that was only a dream. phewwwwww! ok i guess that’s a wake-up call to go study. no more falling asleep or dreaming about summer break! focus woman!

Caving Expedition

They say being in medical school pretty much equates not having a life. I beg to differ. I think I’m doing more than I used to, not just the learning part in school but also having fun. We always thought we should study really hard now and have fun later; but at some point we’d come to realize that the ‘later’ will never come, for this is just the beginning of a really long journey. And so in med school we learn to balance life and school, just like how everybody else have to learn to balance work and life. It gets tough sometimes, but it’s definitely worth it. 
This is us embracing nature, embracing life, at Gua Tempurung. 

Group shot in the cave. I continue to be grateful for the awesome people in my life; and am thankful to meet really cool friends from all around the world. Here’s two of them- say hi to Sho and Ryan. 

Love this one. 🙂   Caving ftw! 

The Beating Heart

Metric – Help, I’m Alive
I tremble
They’re gonna eat me alive
If I stumble
They’re gonna eat me alive

Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer
Help, I’m alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft, tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I’m alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer

If you’re still alive
My regrets are few.
If my life is mine,
what shouldn’t I do?
I get wherever I’m going,
I get whatever I need
while my bloods still flowing
and my heart still beats.

Help, I’m alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft, tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I’m alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer

Help, Im alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer.
Learning all about the heart in the past two weeks; I’ve never really stopped to think how amazing this fist-size organ is, until now. I’m sure all med students would’ve felt the same way (at some point in their med school life) as I do right now, about the beating heart. How beautiful it is, beating on its own, its sounds so reassuring, so soothing. “Do you see how beautiful it is? Do you see? It’s poetry!” Dr. Tom Traill proclaimed. I couldn’t have agreed more. There is so much more to write about, but time does not allow me to do so. Have to get back to learning all about tachycardia. For now I shall share one of my longtime favs that’s been playing in my head for the past few days. Such an apt soundtrack while studying the heart. 🙂

First PUGSOM Annual Dinner

In the previous post, I wrote that we were a little too idealistic and not wanting to budge (in the name of pragmatism). I guess I was wrong… at least to a certain extent. Thank goodness we went all out to make it happen; thank goodness for those who stuck to their ideals, and thank goodness there wasn’t more of the “more pragmatic” ones like myself. 😛  Not that things wouldn’t have turned out great if we did a smaller scale dinner, but it wouldn’t have been phenomenal like the annual dinner that we just had. It was more than just great. It was doubly triply quadruply awesome! All thanks to my classmates who made it happen (really, I couldn’t thank them enough)!! And of course, thanks to everyone who came, and lastly to our dean and the school who contributed financially to make this possible. 🙂 
Group photo, aka family photo. 
Mr. Bean came with his teddy. 
Some of my favorite people.
Our little CFM family. 🙂
What are they doing?! 
My besties, minus Mal who wasn’t in the pic. 
I’ll have to find one with her to post it later!
Thanks to Hanief for the pics. I’ll write more on this. But for now, off I go to learn some ECG. Good night, all. 🙂 

Idealism-1 Pragmatism-0

today things got a little out of control and i can’t help but wonder, how did things get to this point? i don’t wanna point fingers, and i certainly don’t want to start the whole blame game, but knowing what happened and be completely honest about things is absolutely necessary to prevent similar mistakes as such.  sigh. perhaps i’m at fault too. perhaps i should’ve stuck my head out there even if it might be butchered. perhaps I should’ve made my point heard even if it meant creating some friction with others. perhaps i should’ve argued until i have it my way, because i truly believe this whole thing was a little impractical to begin with. not impossible, nor unpleasant, just impractical- especially when all things are – as they should be – considered. but i guess, not all things were considered; and we got lucky. yet, just because money didn’t come out from our own pockets doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be conscientious and prudent when spending it. i mean, there is logic, and then there is logic. but most of all, there is the sense of morality. it was supposed to be a small thing with one objective- to show our appreciation. somewhere along the way, because of ideals, expectations, inflexibility, and a slew of other problems, we lost our way. oh well. no use crying over spilt milk. i shall go cheer myself up with some ice-cream. (an abrupt end, yes, but if i go on i’d be able to write a book about it. so here it all ends. say no more.)

Running

To many, running a marathon is probably no big deal. But to me, it’s no small feat. My memories of childhood consists more of seeing the doctor for coughs, colds, asthmas (albeit only mild ones) and almost nothing on being active in any sports. The only memories that were sports-related were the many times when I broke my glasses playing basketball. Even then, I wasn’t really playing- all I remembered was everyone fighting over the ball and the next thing I knew I felt it smashed into my face and my glasses either broke into half or went out of shape beyond repair. (Oh no wonder I have a flat nose!!)

And so, the fact that I used to be the sick kid made my participation in this marathon all the more meaningful. I didn’t do it to prove my dad wrong (he told me outrightly that I couldn’t do it) or to prove that I’m physically fit; I did it because I wanted to challenge myself to something I wasn’t completely sure I can do. To me, it’s just as much a mental challenge as it is a physical challenge. God only knows how many times I wanted to quit, even on the night before- I was still thinking of ditching the race or scaling it down to 10km. But! I persisted. And though I stopped to walk for a few miles due to abdominal cramps, I still got to the finish line. I can’t even begin to explain how exhilarated I felt when I got there! I couldn’t jump around and scream “I did it I did it I did it” because people would stare and think I had come out from some psychiatric hospital, but really, that’s what I felt like doing. No I didn’t win anything, but I’m still on cloud nine even as I write this. 🙂  Ok some pictures.