Category: journal

Melbourne – Part 4

On one of the days that I roamed the city by myself, I found myself checking out the ACMI (Australian Centre for the Moving Image) where they have two free exhibitions on the ground floor. Because it’s free and who doesn’t love free stuff, I decided to check them out first before I explored other exhibits. Most of the visitors there were mainly school children- probably another school excursions, and that made me feel younger by being around them. Found myself stopping at each section to learn more about movies- the history, the cinematic effects, the color schemes and the importance of it, the important people who contributed substantially in the movie world etc. The highlight of my time there though, was when I stumbled upon the 80s old school computer games, specifically Tetris. It was on the old square box computer monitor, with green letters and a blinking cursor on black screen, asking if you want to start a new game, and in parenthesis Y/N. LOL. I couldn’t help but sat and play. Before I knew it, almost an hour has gone by, and I reluctantly stood and left. (And that’s also only because there’s this boy standing next to me watching over me, I reckoned he’s just waiting for his turn…) For that one hour there though, I felt like I was a kid again which was pure bliss. Thankful for that chunk of time in my own little heaven, even if it meant having to extricate myself from the web of wonderland soon after. It’s all good though. Some pics below. 🙂

Melbourne 2015
This pic is way better than the pic I took of the dome in Melbourne Central.
Bestie has a good eye for photography. 🙂 

Melbourne 2015
Last winter market at Vic Market.

They have what they call “winter market” every Friday evening throughout their winter months, and we managed to make it to the last one. It’s awesome I loved it! At one end there’s a stage with jazz performance (I love jazz!), at the other end there’s movie screening (I love movies too haha!). Andddd… drumrolls please… there’s a lot of food (I love food!!! :P)!

Melbourne 2015
Enough chilli chicken to feed a village in Africa.

Melbourne 2015
We live in a world of (over)abundance, don’t you think. I do hope they finished selling every bit of it, or it’s going to waste. While other people are starving and dying of hunger elsewhere…

Melbourne 2015
This one’s pretty! Looked tasty too, but I’ve had my share of food, and on the 5th day of my vacation I know better than to overeat. 😛

Melbourne 2015
Baby octopi (or octopuses?)! One of my many favs 🙂

Melbourne 2015
I’d come back to try more of their food too, at Hardware Societe.
The portion is a little too huge for my liking, but it’s scrumpilicious! :))

Melbourne 2015
On one of the nights bestie and I went for a live jazz performance at The Commune Cafe.
Fem Belling was the vocalist, together with the band called John Montesante Quintet (JMQ).
Awesome performance, great food and wine too. Definitely worth the trip- we got all wet on our way there due to the heavy rain and strong winds that evening. But it’s okay because even my soaked cold feet enjoyed every bit of the night. Easily the best night of my time there. :))

Melbourne 2015
St Kilda beach. Couldn’t take my eyes off the people kitesurfing there.
All I could think of was “I wanna do that too… someday”.

Melbourne 2015
Probably the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life.. so far. 😛  My last night in Melbourne and bestie brought me to this Papa Gino’s, a family-owned Italian restaurant they’ve been going for a long time now. Everything I tried there was delicious, I can see why my friends keep going back there. 🙂

Melbourne – Part 3

I suppose there’s a lot more that I could do in Melbourne, like visiting the aquarium, the zoo, taking the river cruise, or day tour to Great Ocean Road etc., but I didn’t want to rush and since there’s just not enough time to do everything, I’d rather just relax and explore the city by foot. Found my favourite bench to sit and people-watch. Pic below was the view from the bench. 
Somewhere further down this street there is a jewellery store, where one of my childhood best friends got his then-girlfriend an engagement ring. 🙂 Bestie told me the story while we were walking along this street. We reminisced together about his proposal to her, which then brought back memories of us helping out as MCs on the wedding dinner. Ah memories! What’d we do without them?! We’d be less of a person that we are; without memories we’d be void of identity. After all, we are our memories, piece after piece that were accumulated and stacked up kinda like Jenga blocks, which gave us an idea of who we are…

This is the other side of the view from the bench. The State Library of Victoria, if I’m not mistaken. 

The hot chocolate was so thick and just like melted chocolate, it’s to die for! Didn’t fancy the whipped cream on top but it’d be hard to drink too if it’s all just chocolate. I regretted eating so much of the spaghetti earlier on before dessert… couldn’t really enjoy the hot choc and had coffee instead. Note to self- must return to this place the next visit, whenever that is. 
Shrine of Remembrance. They have a good collection of memorabilia and information about the two world wars, and the more recent ones too. 

Fire outside the Shrine. Made me all pensive and sad. Wars, guns, power, wealth, bloodshed…
Story never gets old, it’s still happening in some countries. 

Botanical Gardens where I spent an afternoon roaming around. 

Another nice place to sit and bask in the good weather. At peace. 
One of the many laneways where you can find cafes and dining places and little shops. 
I was walking around in circles looking for a place I wanted to try, but I couldn’t find it and kept coming back to the same block. Too hungry to walk anymore, I sat down at the first cafe I saw. It’s a nice little place, coffee was good, but the food looked better than it tasted. I mean, the only thing I really liked was the hash brown. Go figure. :/  Oh well. Never try never know. 

Melbourne – Part 2

As someone who grew up in a city, I feel at ease with huge crowd around me. I like being surrounded by the hustle and bustle (most of the time, with exceptions), but only just enough so I can get lost in the city and wrap myself up in my own thoughts, and not too much that it might overwhelm me. The lights, the trams’ bells, the street performances, the quirky fashion, the cafes sprinkled all over the city. They stimulate my senses, in a good way. Here I spent my time walking around, stopping to breathe and feel the drizzle on my cheek; I’d let all of me soak in everything that I see, feel, hear, smell, touch. The city’s tempo is fast, you can tell by the average speed of people walking on the streets, but it’s not as fast as those in New York City. You won’t get the irritated grunts whenever you slow down. People are very expressive too. Every day that I was there I saw people with Gothic makeup and eccentric clothes, which initially led me to think that there was some theme party or festival that I didn’t read about in the visitor’s guide, but later on I realized it’s just who they are. In my wildly imaginative mind though, I was almost convinced that there’s a whole group of them, part of Addam’s family or something, that congregates every evening at some secret place, and we’re just not privy to it. Boohoo. Not invited cuz we’re not cool enough.  >.<  At one point I was so curious I almost went up to them, oh I don’t know, for a picture maybe? Or a casual chat, and maybe get an invitation to the secret party. But I was too timid for my own liking, and they just walked on by. I was left alone with my own thoughts. Gah.

A mother trying to capture her son in still pictures but he just couldn’t be bothered. haha. 

One of the things I really enjoyed while I was there was visiting museums. The picture above is of the National Gallery of Victoria- NGV International (they have another one called NGV Australia). I wanted to go back there to check out the exhibition of Catherine The Great’s private collection, but never got the time to do so. As it is, there’s already so much to see in the free sections. It’s a pity I missed it. Ever since we learned about her during one history class I’ve held this fascination about her, wondering what her life was like back in the old Russian days before communism. Must’ve been a heck of a woman to lead the country back when women were expected to just take care of the family and do nothing else. Ah well. Perhaps another day, in another city.

Check out this award winning dress suit in the contemporary art section. 
If you have too many utensils and don’t know how to utilise them, here’s an idea. 😛  

I thought this chair was kinda cool. I’d get it if it was for sale. 

Federation Square. 

Fed Square seems to be where all the school kids hang out during their lunch break. Either the schools are all very close by, or they have very long breaks. So nice to be students there. They get to go for excursions every day it seems. One day to NGV, another day to ACMI (Australian Centre for the Moving Image), and another to Queen Victoria Markets. Seeing them having so much fun made me slightly envious of their school days.

On one of those days there was a performance- a mime show interacting with the school children. The event was to raise awareness of hearing problems, be it acquired or congenital, and after the performance they screened some video clips of people sharing their hearing problems and how getting a hearing aid helped change their lives. They had booths nearby encouraging people to get their hearing checked for free too. I gave it a pass… telling myself I probably don’t need it yet.  

Fed Square at night. A lot quieter but still nice and pretty. 
Yarra River, which according to my friend is quite polluted. Once there was a guy who canoed there and got food poisoning, which after investigation seemed to be related to this river. I don’t know how true this is, I just thought it’s a pretty intriguing story and now everytime I think of this river that’s what I’d picture in my mind. lol. 

View from where my friend lives. That’s Flinders Street Train Station, and behind it Yarra River. Every morning around 11am there will be two guys on the rooftop taking a ciggie break. Fun fact.
This is Flinders St train station again, at the front entrance. And a tram. 
Minutes before taking this picture, I was listening to this news anchor reporting on a strike that tram drivers are having to protest against the low wages. 

To be continued…

Melbourne – Part 1

Melbourne, or Australia in general, has always been on my list of places to visit. But I was never really serious about making my way there, mainly because I have friends and relatives there whom I know will always be there so I can go anytime I want and there’ll still be people I know to show me the place they call home. There’s always the next year. Then one day when I found out that my best friend was going to move to Japan, I have this sense of urgency to visit, before she leaves. It’s not that I can’t go when she’s not around, it’s just that to me Melbourne is her place, her territory, and it’d mean so much more to see how this place has shaped her, and what this place means to her. Also, I haven’t really spent more than a few hours each time I see her for the past decade or so, and that too I only get to see her once a year- if I’m lucky. So this trip would be a great time to just catch up and hang out. Thus began my journey to the Land Down Under. 🙂

I spent about a week in Melbourne, of which two days were spent in the country. On our way there we stopped at Mornington Peninsula for lunch at a winery, then headed for Sandy Point for the night. The next morning we went to Wilsons Promontory National Park for a walk/hike, before heading to Philip Island to see the penguins, and back to the city. Some pics below that highlight the best of the two days.

The winery where we had lunch. Weather was exceptionally good that day. Gentle breeze with warmth from the sun. 

 I don’t usually like bacon, but this is delish. Especially with the avocados. 

Meatballs. Just couldn’t get enough of it. 

Tomatoes with feta cheese and balsamic vinegar and dunno-whatelse but it’s really good. 

Some bird. Finger-licking good. 

This pic doesn’t do enough justice to the mushroom with sour cream on top. 
It’s easily on my top 3 list of all the dishes with tried. 

By now you can tell I’m no food writer nor food critic. 
But I do know how to appreciate really good food. 
This meal was one of the highlights during my time in Melbie. Will go back for more. 
Okay enough of food. This is Wilsons Prom National Park. Everything is just so blue and so green and breathtakingly beautiful. For a few hours that morning, I felt at peace. Didn’t want to think about anything. Just wanted to enjoy the moment, and revel in being alive. 

Bestie and I. Friends since 7, bff since 11. 

Peekaboo. 
Caught sight of a bird soaring high. 
My camera’s lens couldn’t capture any closer, this is as close as it gets. 
Some filming crew. A capsized boat and half naked boy with a bigger Tarzan like man. 
I wonder what film is this. 

Felt like I was transposed momentarily to heaven. 

Another slice of heaven, frozen forever in pixels. And in my memory. 
Penguin Parade Park in Philip Island.   
And I’m only slightly taller than the Eocene (prehistoric) penguins. :'( 
That’s about it for now. Don’t want to take up too much space posting photos. I’ve organised and shared my other photos on my Flickr. Check it out if  you want. 🙂  Cheers. 

Back Again!

I’ve stopped writing for so long I think I forgot how to write. Feels so weird typing on the keyboards trying to form sentences that reflect my thoughts. The thing is, I’ve kept my thoughts to myself for way too long and now that I want to let it out, I don’t know, I felt… exposed. I’d have to relearn how to filter my thoughts lest I say (write) something that might offend the government and then they’d catch me and put me behind bars. Can’t deny the fact that one of the reasons why I’m reluctant to write is because whenever I feel like writing, it involves the grim situation of my country. Or my school for that matter. Yes. There’s that fear. My brother would say, to hell with those fear! Everyone has a right to voice their opinion, and discuss it freely and openly. My dad would argue, oh just stay out of it and keep quiet. The less you say/write the better. Does you no good especially when you have so much at stake. And that’s what I’ve been doing for so long now, keeping my thoughts to myself. Of course there are other reasons that kept me away from writing (exams, just being lazy, etc). But lately the itch to write is growing stronger, and I need to scratch it. Also needed a place to vent. So here I am. Will try to be careful with what I say. Perhaps I’ll start with something less controversial. Like my trip to Aussie. Cheers everyone! 🙂

Untitled #3

140 characters isn’t enough to let me purge my thoughts. It’s funny- I told myself I wasn’t going to blog until I’m done with exams and school, but I find myself keep coming back here. Then again each time I’m done writing though, it always gets deleted. Off to trash it goes, for fear that the content may be a little too sensitive or inappropriate to share on the blogosphere. Some things are better left unwritten, at least until I’m completely done with school.

One more exam to go and I’ll be done. I hope. The accreditation board is taking its own sweet time to get back to us, and it’s driving everyone nuts.

Every time when exams are near and I’m a little stressed, I have weird dreams. Dreamt that birds kept flying into my parents’ bedroom, which is the master bedroom that faces the street/front yard, but whose windows were wide open- with no grills (which isn’t the case at all in real life). Brother and I would catch them and throw them out of the window but these persistent little things kept flying back! Each of them is like a freakin’ boomerang coming back at us. Fine. I’ll close the windows then. I thought I’d outsmart them this time, but no- somehow mom left the middle bottom window panel opened, and through that small window, one of them managed to fly in! -___-||  And guess what? I happened to be standing right in front of it, and the bird flew right at me and got stuck at my throat. Whether I got injured or died from bleeding/asphyxiation due to the beak-tracheostomy was unbeknownst to me- I was too grossed out that I woke up.

Part two of that bird craziness. Yet another dream: Whoever’s dumb idea to put a tall thin 2-meter wooden stick right in front of our house, I do not know. It’s something akin to the beanstalk from Jack and the Beanstalk (and no I haven’t been watching/reading/thinking about that story of late), except it’s only 2 meters, and at the top of it laid a bird’s nest. Someone decided that putting a nest there would serve as a decoy, and the birds would stop flying into the bedroom. It worked alright for a while, but the birds just wouldn’t leave! So what did the someone do? Someone decided to fatten up the birds so that they’d grow so fat, so much so that they couldn’t balance themselves (in the nest) on the beanstalk, and fell– all the way from 2 meters off the ground. Splatttt! And died. One by one. Mission to rid the birds: success! End of dream.

Ohmygod I don’t know what kind of dream that was, but it sure was stupid, nonsensical, and morbid. And yet, I couldn’t stop laughing- in my dream.

Sometimes I think I need to get my brain checked.
Please do not judge me for having these kinds of dreams. I have absolutely no control over them.
Believe me when I say I’d never hurt a snail let alone a bird, in real life. But why on earth would my dreams be so crazy, trust me I’m just as baffled!

That’s all for now. Happy Sunday peeps!

Hello 2015

It’s halfway past the first month of this ‘new’ year, and I’ve been seriously contemplating shutting down this blog. In fact, maybe stop writing altogether. Or maybe start a new blog. With a clean state, no history, no past. And then maybe I can reinvent myself, be anonymous. Be anyone I want to be but myself.

But the thing about new blog / new year / new self is this- it’s just an illusion. I can start a new blog every year, with a new personality/character, but for all we know- I’m still the same person. And unless there’s a time machine to bring me back to the past, I’ll still be here and nothing is really ‘new’, and we don’t really get a fresh start.

So no new year resolutions this year. No reflection about 2014 either. I’m just glad I managed to bring myself here to write something. Honestly after such a long time of not writing, I forgot how to write. And all the things I’ve wanted to write about has left me, and right now there’s only an empty shell waiting to be filled with new ideas/thoughts to be shared. But I’m not going to make a promise to self to write every day or every week or whatever, because the last time I did that, it ended horribly.

This year to me is a year full of uncertainty. I have no idea what’s going to happen to me- whether I’m going to graduate as planned, what I’d be doing after graduation, where I’ll end up etc.  But I’m done worrying. So I’m just gonna let it play itself out, trusting that things will work out just fine. 🙂

Signing off, xoxo.

December

It’s December, my favorite time of the year. In my enthusiasm to live a healthier lifestyle and maybe shed some pounds before my birthday, I decided to return to the gym after a long hiatus. And for the same reason I found myself with extra energy I decided to do some sit-ups, something I only occasionally do. But this time I did 11 sets of 10 and felt really good after that. I even gave self a virtual pat on the shoulder for not feeling any soreness when doing it. Fast forward to the next morning. Whaddaya know. I started to feel the pain, and oh. my. god. it’s so painful I can’t even describe it. I couldn’t stand up straight because any stretch will cause it to hurt like hell. That, and something I ate the day before gave me some GI distress (aka diarrhea), made my day utterly miserable and I had to skip a day of work/school. Lying in bed, curling up like a prawn in distress, I wished I didn’t go to the gym or did all that sit-ups. I wished I hadn’t eaten the seafood I ate (I didn’t even eat that much!!). Ughhhh. So much for a healthier lifestyle. :'(

October, Resurfaced

Why hello there?!  Hellooooo… (hello oo ooo ooo…) 

I can almost hear the echo that bounces off the virtual wall of this blog, which reflects the emptiness and dead space in between (and quite aptly so), thanks to yours truthfully for not updating this blog for so many months.

It feels so strange to be typing away on the keyboard, and leaving traces of thoughts on this white space, pausing every now and then with the blinking cursor waiting eagerly to move on. I forget how it feels like to put down thoughts in words. Not like this, at least. Everything I’ve been writing since August has all be patient notes, full of jargons and standard descriptions completely void of creativity or imagination. Steer away from the standard writing and risk being seen as unprofessional rigmarole. It’s easy to get used to that though. But now that I’m back here in my own space, I’m not sure if I can write like I used to anymore.

I know not what prompted me to open a new tab, come here and leave a note. At this moment I don’t have anything particular on my mind, all there is is an itch to type, and leave something here. As if to prove to the world (or myself) that I’m still around. Still not forgotten. But by whom? Who cares? Does anybody care, or notice my absence?

It is end of October, two more months to a new year. I can’t believe how time flies, and I’ll be heading home soon. So much for wanting to write more, and jot down notes on my stay here. So much to be said; and yet, sometimes it’s better off kept to self.

Mini Study Break

I lied- I said I will write more after the exam but it’s been more than a month since the last post. The truth is, every time I made my way here I find myself feeling guilty for wanting to write something when I could be doing something else that’s more urgent. Today however, I just wanna scribble some thoughts before I move on to other things.

It’s August. So much has changed since I last wrote. The biggest change, at least in my realm, is that Hopkins is no longer PUGSOM’s collaborating partner. As I write this, I’m not even sure if I should be making this known, here in my personal blog no less, but I figure it has already happened and nothing I say or not say would change anything anyway, so it should be fine. I should precede what I’m about to write with a disclaimer though- that what I write is purely my own thoughts, feelings or opinions and has nothing to do with either school.

It’s too complicated to get into why it happened, and frankly we students were in the dark for the most part and really didn’t know much of the discussion going on with the parties to know why the partnership had failed. But like all kids who suffered from parents’ divorce, we got the brunt of it all, and are truly hurting. Can’t quite describe how it feels, except to say that it’s a mixture of betrayal as well as wretchedness, with perhaps a pinch of anger. But life goes on whether we like it or not, and so that’s the way it goes. Yes, life is unfair, and we just have to learn to deal with it.

That said, even though I painted a bleak picture, it’s not as bad- at least our school will still be around,  we’re not having any financial difficulties, and the graduate medical program seems to be going strong and not about to disappear into thin air. There are things I’m thankful for, and having the local faculty staying with us and keeping the show running is one of them. Also thankful for all the visiting adjunct faculty who have taught us in the past, who are still part of our lives right now, helping out with our electives in US. And thank goodness I’m so busy and knee-deep in all the things I need to study for the exam and for electives, I don’t have time to mope around about what has happened.

Anyway- will have to stop here. More next time, whenever ‘next time’ is!

Night Echoes

There’s something about this time of the night that makes me want to write something. In a few hours I will be off for a mini vacation, one that I need really badly- for the soul and body to get away from the rush, the deadlines, the people. What I need is some peace and quiet, to stop thinking and just be. Just be, and breathe, and take in everything that surrounds me without thinking too much about it. At least that’s what I plan to do when I’m away.

But things don’t always turn out the way you plan, do they. Just like in this case, I don’t think I will get to go with ease when I know I have about 3-feet tall of work/reading materials waiting for me when I get back. Oh well. They will have to wait. For now I need to recharge myself before I can do more. And I really do need to get some sleep to be able to enjoy myself tomorrow. So much to share and write, so little time. More soon. Bye for now!

Afterthoughts

“Welcome to the real world, where people only want answers — correct, accurate answers. […] In life, there is no partial credit for being half right. If you want to accomplish something important, you have to be totally right — and be willing to face the consequences if you are not.”  

Excerpt from When the Air Hits Your Brain, by Frank Vertosick Jr., M.D. 

It’s funny how I’d always come across something that is so relevant to what I’ve been thinking about at that moment, as if the universe ‘gets’ what I’m thinking and is sending a message back at me. Those words from that excerpt pierced right into my heart, and mind. It’s probably a gradual process, but at some point during my clerkship rotations, I realize this: every passing day I am inching towards that real world- a world where physicians are expected to be perfect all the time.

Some time last week, I was in the neurosurgery morning conference, and the head of department talked about how patients are increasingly demanding, and they would harp on the one mistake that you’ve done, and would not let it go. To some, it doesn’t matter if you’ve done many things to help them or their family member; as long as there is one mistake, that’s it. They will come after you. It’s even more so in the field of neurosurgery than any other specialty – and for good reasons too, of course. But he brought it up to remind everyone that we are being watched – all the time. And so, pandai-pandai lah. 

Just finished neuro clerkship. Moving on to pediatrics. It feels like just yesterday that I did psych, but in actuality I’ve done psych, surgery, and neuro! Half-way point. 3 more rotations to go before year 3 ends. How time flies.