A Wrong Diagnosis

If you ever had that passing thought that “things couldn’t go any worse than this right now“, my advice to you is: please, stop. Stop that thought right now and switch it to something else, whatever that may be. Think of mockingbirds, ice-cream, the cute guy/girl you saw yesterday, your pet. Anything. Anything but that. Experiences prove, time and again, that every time that thought comes into mind, things will inevitably become worse. You may say, well maybe that’s just my selective recall bias, an anecdotal fallacy, and not truth. Fine. Have it your way, but don’t say I never warned you.

For the past few weeks I’ve been obsessed with rashes. Found every article I could and read about the differentials, examined for hours the images of each rash, read more than once about varicella, scabies, PLEVA, and a few others on the differentials. I’d wake up in the middle of the night from the itch, reached out to my phone and looked up other causes of rashes, or read up on one of the many skin diseases. I really shouldn’t be going down the rabbit hole when I should be studying for boards, but I can’t help it!! I can’t stand not knowing what it is and why it’s getting worse when it should be better! Arggghhhhhhwwarrrrghhhuuuurgggh!!! [That’s me turning into Hulk, in my head.] 
So. As you can tell from the title of this post, turns out the rash wasn’t chicken pox after all. Here’s what happened. 
About two weeks after it started, when it didn’t get better as expected for varicella, but in fact got worse, I started questioning the diagnosis. I would’ve got to the bottom of it all sooner if I wasn’t so reluctant to see a doctor, or if I didn’t hold on so tightly to the wishful thinking that it is the easier, simpler diagnosis. Because even though it’s absurd that one could get varicella twice, it’s still a shorter course of disease, self-limiting, and- I was banking on the probability of it being milder since it’d be a recurrent infection. I was really hoping it was “just” that, and be done with it. So when the rash started to spread, I convinced myself that I’m seeing things, that it’s all in my head. Sigh. “For someone who studied so much, this type of reasoning was downright stupid,” I can almost hear my dad say that to me. 🙁
And so it got to a point where I just couldn’t lie to myself anymore and had to go to the university health center to get it looked at. The doctor being uncertain of what it was, referred me to dermatology. And with just two words, a huge portion of my anxiety melted away: pityriasis rosea. UGHHH. Really? I never thought bout it because there’s no herald patch! And no christmas tree pattern as well! Here’s another lesson learned, just because something is pathognomonic of a disease doesn’t mean the absence of it precludes the diagnosis. I guess my frustration was noticeable, when I asked the dermatology resident: “How on earth did I get it?!” To which he calmly responded, as if trying to placate me, “It’s nothing that you did or could’ve done to get this. It’s a really common disease and a lot of people get it, but we still don’t really know why it happens or what causes it.” Great. Just great. Isn’t this the majority of the case for almost 80% of the diseases out there?! That we don’t know what the heck we’re dealing with most of the time.  If I weren’t in the medical field and could understand the unpleasantness of having to tell a patient that, I’d have rolled my eyes and stopped listening. But I get it, so I didn’t pursue further.  Yes- I get it now, more so than ever, because now I don’t only understand it from the physician’s point of view, but also from the patient’s. I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that statement- and it sucked. 
Sure, I understand that a lot of medicine is still in the grey area, and that there are a lot that have yet to be discovered. But the simple truth is that logic never does make anyone feel better. It also makes me realise something about myself, which is probably also the nature of most human beings: that we always attempt to explain everything that happens to us (that’s how the age-old adage of “everything happens for a reason” reasoning came along, isn’t it? To make us feel better?), and we also try to do so in a way that attribute the cause upon something other than ourselves. In other words, we’re always inclined to blame it on something else, anything but ourselves or our own deed. But when push comes to shove, we’d take the blame too, as long as there’s a logical reason to it. We don’t handle the “unknown” very well though. Indeed, it’s the shrugged “I-don’t-know-why-it-happened-it-just-does-and-I’m-sorry” explanation that makes us feel the worst. But why??? Why did it happen to me? What have I done to deserve this?!  Those are the thoughts that would plague one’s mind, because one usually cannot fathom how a bad outcome could befall oneself when one has done everything by the books. Think of all the people who got lung cancer but never smoked a cigarette or anything in their entire lives. Or substitute it with any cancer that happened without a known risk factor in someone who had lived a perfect life up till that point. Think about the 30-something neurosurgeon who was about the complete his decade-long training only to find out he had terminal lung cancer. It’s atrocious! How vile to have been sentenced to such fate when a 90-year old man a stone’s throw away was probably happily puffing his cigarette celebrating his 70th-pack-year! But what can one do but throw up his hands and surrender to this thing called Life??! 
And when the initial emotions has passed and the dust settled, how does one cope with this kind of horrible outcome? Ironically, one tends to circle back to the “everything happens for a reason” argument to cope with it, or chose to accept and entrust one’s faith to the higher beings. That, or one could go into self-destruction mode and start hating everything and everyone with the “fuck god, fuck the disease, fuck the world” mentality. 
Now I’m not being melodramatic, I don’t have a terminal illness, I just have a skin condition that is also self-limiting, albeit one that will last 6-8 weeks. In the bigger scheme of things, I am thankful for being alive, for having “just” a skin disease. But being unwell is hard, especially for someone who’s spent most of her adult life working towards being the person who provides care. Now that table has turned, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I don’t want or like to be reminded that I too am mortal, that I’m completely susceptible to any disease, and that the medical degree earned is not an immunity to any or all sickness at all. Alas, I, and all the other physicians who may share my sentiments, are just humans too. We too can die, can get heart attacks, dementias, stroke, or [insert your disease of choice here]. It’s a silly, not-worth-mentioning known fact, but we don’t really think about it until we have to. (One could argue that some deliberately avoid thinking about it, but that’s a topic for another day.) The truth is, we all have to face mortality at some point, and we will all do so on our own terms. One way or another, eventually. (Unless you happened to be in a plane that miraculously disappear into thin air. Then sorry, no time for you to think about dying and death because your brain cells and every bit of you will be blown up into ashes before you could even conceive of what just happened.)
I write this before I had the chance to read Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal, or Paul Kalanithi’s When Breath Becomes Air (that’s the neurosurgeon who had terminal lung cancer I mentioned above), even though those books are just sitting on the shelf two feet away from me. When I’m done with exam, I’ll read them. Perhaps I will have additional thoughts on mortality then. But at this moment, as I’m writing this pondering upon mortality, grateful that I’m alive yet slightly (only slightly) resenting the cards I’m dealt with, I still think it’s a good thing over all. I see some good coming from it, not because I’m a masochist, but because through this ordeal I had a taste of being a patient, of being unwell, without having to go through chemo or radiation (or worse- to die!).  Empathy and compassion often grow exponentially from first-hand experience. So hopefully this experience will help me be a better doctor. Then again- one could only hope, eh. 😛 
Peace. xoxo.

Rocking the Pox

When I was 7, I was told that it’s a good thing to have chickenpox at that time because once I got it I’ll never get it again, for the rest of my life. I did a mental calculation, comparing the body surface area that I’d have to suffer the itch, pain and scars between the smaller-size me and the adult-me, and I thought this was the better deal. That was pretty much the one thing that got me through the horrendous days of chickenpox. 

Fast forward many years later. To 2016. About a week ago to be exact. I scratched on a pimple-like itch that was bothering me. I call it Pimple Zero. Everybody remembers Pimple Zero, don’t they? I know I do. Even back when I was 7, when I didn’t even know what it was, or that it would be the beginning of a very long ailment. It was just a fascinating, innocent looking pimple with fluid in it, and slightly itchy at the surrounding area, but not enough to poke through it because it would take a way the fun. Alas, much “fun” that was. 
Did you know you could get chickenpox twice in a lifetime? I didn’t exactly think it was impossible, I just didn’t think it possible to happen on me. But then again, that is human nature too, no? We never thought any bad thing would happen to us… until it does.  First thought- whattttt??? NOOOOOOO. Can’t be! You’ve got to be kidding me!! Like a typical medical student, the first instinct is to self-diagnose the rash. I ran through a mental list very carefully, and chickenpox was not really on that list (it’s in the don’t-need-to-consider pile). Couldn’t think of anything that would fit (seriously thought of everything from flea bites to bedbugs bites, scabies, allergies, even systemic cause like diabetes!). It bothered me so much (both the rash and the inability to figure out what it actually is), that I felt compelled to consult a friend, and that was when it hit me. As I was describing it to her, everything suddenly became crystal clear, that regardless of how improbable it is, it sounded just like chickenpox. Holy schmoly. F***. Crappety crab. Wow. Really? Is there a God? Is God playing games with me? 
But just as soon as the egocentric self tries to understand/question the why, being all pissed off that this is happening for no apparent reason (as if I don’t have enough on my plate now), the other calmer zen self pushes back with a positive thought- hey well be thankful it’s not shingles. That’s right- it could be worse. Just like that, I felt much better. That thought would be what I’ll hold on to till I get through this.

And so I’m sitting here drinking hot Milo (my comfort food), rocking my pox, pondering deeply on this. I have tons of questions. Why is this happening- scientifically? What triggered the reinfection? I’ve had it before, shouldn’t I get immunity? Not to mention I actually got the vaccination two years back as well. Perhaps that’s why it’s a much milder case, but does that also mean it will stretch out longer? I feel well though, other than the rash and itch. I don’t think my immune system is compromised in any way, I don’t have more stress than the usual, I don’t have any ill contact. So how did it happen? Can I exercise/run? Will the increased blood circulation and vasodilation cause the virus to go to more places and I’ll have a more severe flare? What can I do to speed up the healing process? What can I do to ensure this never happens again? I’ll have to find out. Guess this will keep me busy for some time.

xoxo. pox out.

Undoing

Been gone for a while, that’s because I went searching for the cheerful, bubbly self who seemed to have lost her way. That go-getter, optimistic, fighter self went missing, and was replaced by a melancholic self. Seems rather childish to be quoting a children’s film, but it felt almost as if the Sadness in Inside Out had been occupying the whole of me, and all I saw was blue and grey. Occasionally there were glimpses of rays but they didn’t last, and then it was back to blue, grey and black.

Today, though, something happened. Don’t know how, don’t know why, but it felt as if the lid that kept me locked inside the sadness has suddenly been lifted, and as I climbed out of the hole I dug for myself I felt lighter, shedding layers of worries and melancholy with every step I take. I was in the subway on my way to work, and every motion of everyone around me seemed to turned into a slow-mo movie. Every sensation heightened, every sound echoed and dropped its frequency, everything seemed funny and amusing. It felt as if I were tripping, except I wasn’t. Granted, it only lasted for a minute or two and it all went back to normal when I had to get out of the station, but it was awesome while it lasted. A kind of high that’s hard to describe, and definitely not on any influence of drugs.

I realized, in that split second when I returned to my senses, that this, is all there is. This is all we’ve got. The present moment. It’s more than words can explain. It’s something we think we know as we read the words, but only superficially. We think we know, but most of the time we really don’t. No really. We don’t. We’d write about it, we think we know to live every moment, but we so often lose sight, and be blinded by things, events, people. More often that not, we don’t really feel it, we’re not aware of it. We go by our daily lives doing things because we’re accustomed to doing them. It’s habit, it’s routine, it’s something we “have to do”. It’s autopilot. We tell ourselves stories, the stories stick to us, and we live out the stories. At some point we aren’t even sure if we write the stories or the stories own us. If the stories we told ourselves were lies, then lies were all we lived. And before we know it, we’d be at the very end of it, and only when we have to face death, do we reflect upon the gazillions of moments that we lived through, that made up the days, the months, the years. It is then that we’d realize that we let too many of those moments slipped by us without really making the best out of it.

I don’t know what’s gotten to me this morning in that subway, at that moment, when all this burst of thought came to mind. Maybe I’m going crazy; maybe it’s a mini-epiphany that is a wake-up call to stop brooding. Maybe it’s the Divine Being brushing past me, if you happen to believe in those. And if you’re in Richard Dawkins’ team, then maybe it’s just synapses (over)firing and this happened to be one of the many billion thoughts that randomly occurred, thus making it just that- one of the billions of possibilities and nothing more.

All I know is this- I have nothing, except the present moment. No more, no less. I am exactly what I think of myself- whether I think of myself as a useful person or a worthless nut, I am right. And the last and most important thing of all, is this- I need to stop thinking so much. Stop thinking, stop worrying, stop being angry at myself, stop inflicting pain on myself.  Just. stop.

It’s time I let go. And let go, I will.

Bits and Bytes of a Trail

Some thoughts on nature and us, and then some pixels I took of nature. What prompted it? Well it must be the warm Christmas followed by 3-foot snow, and the fluctuation of temperature. ‘Tis global warming. Not as dramatic as the Hollywood films would have it, but it’s happening… 
Anyway. Am not in the mood to discuss serious topic like that. I’ll leave that for another time. Today is just some reflection with hot tea. Cheers all. 
“Nature is purposeless. Nature simply is. 
We may find nature beautiful or terrible, but those feelings are human constructions. 
Such utter and complete mindlessness is hard for us to accept. 
We feel such a strong connection to nature. 
But the relationship between nature and us is one-sided. 
There is no reciprocity.”
Art installation along the trail and a frozen lake.
Book of life. 

 Elephant made from metal scraps and recycled items. 
Picture doesn’t do the leaves and the surrounding enough justice. 
I’ll have to come out here again when it’s not gloomy and wet.

Queensland: The Sunshine State

The last stop of my Australian trip was Brisbane. There is so much to see in Queensland, and I only caught a glimpse of it. I’d have to come back another day, no doubt. My aunt and grandaunt were kind enough to host me, bring me around, cook for me, make me feel at home.  But the highlight of the trip, other than spending time with family, was the unexpected encounter with my aunt’s friends at the community garden. Every Tuesday they go there to tend to their vegetable crops and some fruit trees, and they’d bring tea and cakes to share after a morning’s hard work. I had the privilege to spend some time with the golden citizens, listening to their stories way back in the days while enjoying a cup of hot tea with strawberry shortcakes. 
There was this 80 year old man, Kasper, whom I was particularly fond of, who liked to introduce himself as ‘Kasper, with a K and not C like the friendly ghost you know of’. I thought that was so cute it made my heart smile. He was kind enough to give me a tour of his fruit orchard (well not his but he was the main person who looked after it) and introduced me to the different trees and plants that I know close to nothing of. Loved listening to his stories about where he was originally from – Switzerland – and how he got to the land down below and grew his roots here. At that moment, sitting at the shed basking under the warm sunlight with gentle breeze on my face, being completely captivated by his stories and simply enjoying the old folks’ company – that was one of the best moments of the trip.  I can only hope that when I turn 80, I’d still be strong and healthy and able to walk about doing stuff that I love, and sharing my stories with the younger generation. 
Brisbane 2015
Aunt tending to her veggies. 

Brisbane 2015
Nasturtium, one of the few edible flowers, which I find so beautiful. 
Brisbane 2015
Man-made beach somewhere near the city. 
Brisbane 2015
On the way to Gold Coast, or somewhere close to it, can’t remember…
Brisbane 2015
Waves that beat on the rocks, day and night. 
Exemplary state of impermanence.
Brisbane 2015
View from some floors above, in the Twin Cities casino (twin cities being Coolangatta and Tweed Heads). Lots of retired folks. Kinda amusing seeing them around chillin’, playing bingo etc… 
Brisbane 2015
Somewhere out there. I can’t remember where this was taken… Probably during a pit stop on our way to Gold Coast, at this clubhouse where we had coffee and cake.  
Brisbane 2015
Some island that many people go to to check out dolphins and whales 🙂  
Ideal place for a retreat, away from the world full of noise and distractions.
Brisbane 2015
One of my favourite pics. That’s Uncle Barry’s hand cut off, as I was taking a panoramic picture. 
Trippy…
Brisbane 2015
The red lighthouse. Because every coastal town needs one 🙂 
Brisbane 2015
This was taken at Manly Beach I think. Quite honestly I don’t know what’s so ‘manly’ bout this beach. 
Don’t see many six packs around… 😛 
But I do love the cloud formation… So fluffy, like it’s out from Mario the video game back in my time, and you can jump from one cloud to the other. 
That just about summed up my trip to Australia. Wonderful trip, would love to be back, but for now, back to reality. (Well, technically I was back to reality many months ago, this was just an overdue post). Peace. 

Another Year, Here We Go

I used to reflect on the year before, and making new resolutions for the ‘new’ year, either here or in my journal. But for the past few years I haven’t really been keeping track of whether I checked off the list of stuff to do. Part of it is because it’s been the same resolutions, and they’re more about self-building than a concrete thing to achieve. So this year I wrote myself a note on the eve of New Year’s Day, and I thought I’d share it here, mostly just as a reminder for myself if things get tough this coming year, or if things don’t happen as I’d hoped for. It’ll be okay, I’ll survive, and it won’t be the end of the world. To all my good friends still reading this, cheers! Here’s to a brighter, better year! 

A Note To Self

Words are cheap; promises even cheaper. Do not make promises you can’t keep, not to others, ever more so not to yourself.

Always be positive. When things don’t happen the way you had hoped, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it; it simply means you deserve more.

But that also means you need to pay your dues, work for what you deserve. There’s no free ride in this world, and you’ve got to work for what you want. Be contented, be grateful by all means, but strive to be your better self every single moment.

Be strong, be resilient. Never let the next obstacle stop you from getting where you want to go. If you’re serious about getting there, you will. Anything – given enough time – is possible.

Know what you want. Be curious, be passionate. Choose what you want to excel in. No one can have it all, nor can one do it all. Time is scarcity; time is luxury. Pick your passion, or poison. Stick with it. With enough effort and determination you will be great in it.

Have a plan. But know that it’s okay to change your plans or directions too. No one will fault you for changing your mind as long as you don’t keep doing it just for the sake of doing it, or because you give up too easily. You have a right to choose your path, and it may change over time.

Be kind to everyone, but most of all be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion. Learn to love yourself, that is the first step to loving anyone else. That means knowing how to take care of your health- physically, mentally and emotionally. Again, you can’t do it all. Do not be greedy. Do not be too harsh on yourself either when you can’t meet all your goals.

Learn to take failures in stride. Every failure that happens is a learning opportunity. It is also a data point, to let you know that it doesn’t work, but that also means you’re one step closer to the thing that does work.

Always read. Read as much as you can. It’s the portal to the world you may never have the chance to see in person. Let it open your mind; learn from others’ experience so you won’t have to make the same mistakes. Expand your mind just as the universe is expanding every moment.

But more than that, write. Write everything that comes to mind, even if it’s silly, or politically incorrect. Sometimes it’s for entertainment, sometimes it helps to keep you sane. It doesn’t have to be shown to the world. Just let it flow, and do this for no one else but yourself. You will learn so much bout yourself and this Earth we call home, and everything in between.

Travel the world, go to places, see the extraordinary things built or created by mankind, talk to people. Learn their culture, learn the good things and bad- the good so you can emulate, the bad so you know not to repeat them. There’s so much out there to learn, see, know. They’re all beautiful in their own way, you just need to find a way to appreciate them.

Do something to contribute to the world, to humanity. Our time in this world is so short it’s probably just a millionth of a millisecond in the entire timeline of the universe. Maybe even less. But that shouldn’t stop us from adding value to humanity. We take so much from the world, the least we could do is give a little back during our however transient lifespan.

Most of all, always remember to be present. Live. Open your eyes, feel your surroundings, use all your senses and really live. Tomorrow is promised to no one; the past is nothing but memories. Live every moment as if it’s your last. Spend not all your time and energy anticipating for the next big break, next whatever, while you trudge through the now and forget to live, because when you get there you’ll find that it’s not enough and there’s always another next thing you want. It’s the classic cat-chasing-its-own-tail picture, because you will keep hoping for the next big thing that will change your life and make you happy, but you will get exhausted before you even get there, and you’ll have spent your time sulking and being unhappy, when you’ve already got what you need to be happy. Really- focus on the now, and you will find peace and happiness.

Adelaide: The Good Life

As years went by, I find it harder and harder to meet true friends who are willing to work on keeping the friendship going for as long as it can be. Not that there aren’t people I can call friends, but most of the time it’s usually with strings attached, or they’re just not that interested in being true friends. It’s understandable- most people at this age would already have their own family or have their own clique of friends; or they just want something from you, or it’s just a fleeting encounter that couldn’t be solidified into true friendships. And so it makes me value all my old friends even more, especially those you’ve bonded with since school days. Friends like those are rarer than any gemstone in the world, and I’m ever so thankful that I have more than one of these rare gems.  This is a super-belated post on my trip to Adelaide, my second stop in Aussie. Jun, one of my rare gem friends, who’s also the reason why I was in Adelaide, picked me up from the airport. And so began our little weekend adventure!

Because my time there was limited, there’s only so much we can see. My intention of this short trip was mainly to catch up with Jun, and then do some sightseeing. I’d say it’s a pretty successful trip given that we had so much time to catch up – over meals, while walking the dog to the dog park, the drive to the little quaint German town called Hahndorf, the time spent at Glenelg beach. Come to think of it, this is the longest amount of time we’ve spent with each other since we graduated from high school! And so, when we weren’t busy catching up, eating or drinking hot chocolate (or having ice cream lol), below are some pics we took over the 3 days that I was there. 

Adelaide 2015
At The Loose Caboose where it’s a restored railway station-turned-cafe that serves good breakfast/brunch and coffee. 

Adelaide 2015
I don’t remember what this is called, but it’s delish!

Adelaide 2015
This, I think is called the caboose cakes- potato croquettes with some mayonnaise drizzles and cabbage on top. It’s really good too, but I’d prefer it without the mayo.

Adelaide 2015
Somewhere in Hahndorf the German town there were two little cute bears having their tea, oblivious to the world around them. That’s just awesome.

Adelaide 2015
It’s a beautiful day out- perfect for Birkenstock clogs shopping and fudge-shopping. 😛
Had a craving for ice cream there, but managed to suppress it. Win. Yes.

Adelaide 2015
Glenelg beach, which reminded me of my days in Santa Monica, LA.

Adelaide 2015
Capturing sunset.

Adelaide 2015
All smiles, because it’s good to be alive and have great friends.

Adelaide 2015
Same time, same place as the pic above, but a different view.

Adelaide 2015
This was the real reason we were all smiles earlier- the anticipation of hot choc and ice cream!
Lol jk. We are grateful for being alive.
And yes I gave in to my cravings after all. No regrets though.

Adelaide 2015
Had dessert before dinner. That’s the right way to do it people.

Adelaide 2015
This girl played so beautifully I couldn’t resist but sat there the whole time until she’s done.
Location- The Malls Balls at Rundle Street.

Adelaide 2015
This is Niño saying bye to me, and vice versa.

It’s been three awesome days, time well spent with friend. Looking forward to another trip/hangout like this, whenever that is. Thank you Jun, for being such a great host and friend! xoxo.

Indian Summer

It’s what they call the warm days in between the colder fall days. We had a little less than a week of indian summer last week, but now it’s over. It was just a wet, wet day today. Even as I type, I can hear the ruffling of tree leaves outside my window, and the splashes on the street every time a car passes by. I wonder how people back home are coping with the awful haze.

It’s been close to two weeks since I got here. Things have been great, I’m so grateful for the people who have helped me get here, provided me a place to stay, people who have become family to me, people who are just so generous and kind. There are times when I wonder what I’ve done to deserve such kindness. Must’ve done something right in my past life. Makes me want to do as much as I can to give back in return. And that I shall.

More on the rest of the Aussie trip soon, for now it’s the bed calling my name. Good night world!

Melbourne – Part 4

On one of the days that I roamed the city by myself, I found myself checking out the ACMI (Australian Centre for the Moving Image) where they have two free exhibitions on the ground floor. Because it’s free and who doesn’t love free stuff, I decided to check them out first before I explored other exhibits. Most of the visitors there were mainly school children- probably another school excursions, and that made me feel younger by being around them. Found myself stopping at each section to learn more about movies- the history, the cinematic effects, the color schemes and the importance of it, the important people who contributed substantially in the movie world etc. The highlight of my time there though, was when I stumbled upon the 80s old school computer games, specifically Tetris. It was on the old square box computer monitor, with green letters and a blinking cursor on black screen, asking if you want to start a new game, and in parenthesis Y/N. LOL. I couldn’t help but sat and play. Before I knew it, almost an hour has gone by, and I reluctantly stood and left. (And that’s also only because there’s this boy standing next to me watching over me, I reckoned he’s just waiting for his turn…) For that one hour there though, I felt like I was a kid again which was pure bliss. Thankful for that chunk of time in my own little heaven, even if it meant having to extricate myself from the web of wonderland soon after. It’s all good though. Some pics below. 🙂

Melbourne 2015
This pic is way better than the pic I took of the dome in Melbourne Central.
Bestie has a good eye for photography. 🙂 

Melbourne 2015
Last winter market at Vic Market.

They have what they call “winter market” every Friday evening throughout their winter months, and we managed to make it to the last one. It’s awesome I loved it! At one end there’s a stage with jazz performance (I love jazz!), at the other end there’s movie screening (I love movies too haha!). Andddd… drumrolls please… there’s a lot of food (I love food!!! :P)!

Melbourne 2015
Enough chilli chicken to feed a village in Africa.

Melbourne 2015
We live in a world of (over)abundance, don’t you think. I do hope they finished selling every bit of it, or it’s going to waste. While other people are starving and dying of hunger elsewhere…

Melbourne 2015
This one’s pretty! Looked tasty too, but I’ve had my share of food, and on the 5th day of my vacation I know better than to overeat. 😛

Melbourne 2015
Baby octopi (or octopuses?)! One of my many favs 🙂

Melbourne 2015
I’d come back to try more of their food too, at Hardware Societe.
The portion is a little too huge for my liking, but it’s scrumpilicious! :))

Melbourne 2015
On one of the nights bestie and I went for a live jazz performance at The Commune Cafe.
Fem Belling was the vocalist, together with the band called John Montesante Quintet (JMQ).
Awesome performance, great food and wine too. Definitely worth the trip- we got all wet on our way there due to the heavy rain and strong winds that evening. But it’s okay because even my soaked cold feet enjoyed every bit of the night. Easily the best night of my time there. :))

Melbourne 2015
St Kilda beach. Couldn’t take my eyes off the people kitesurfing there.
All I could think of was “I wanna do that too… someday”.

Melbourne 2015
Probably the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life.. so far. 😛  My last night in Melbourne and bestie brought me to this Papa Gino’s, a family-owned Italian restaurant they’ve been going for a long time now. Everything I tried there was delicious, I can see why my friends keep going back there. 🙂

Melbourne – Part 3

I suppose there’s a lot more that I could do in Melbourne, like visiting the aquarium, the zoo, taking the river cruise, or day tour to Great Ocean Road etc., but I didn’t want to rush and since there’s just not enough time to do everything, I’d rather just relax and explore the city by foot. Found my favourite bench to sit and people-watch. Pic below was the view from the bench. 
Somewhere further down this street there is a jewellery store, where one of my childhood best friends got his then-girlfriend an engagement ring. 🙂 Bestie told me the story while we were walking along this street. We reminisced together about his proposal to her, which then brought back memories of us helping out as MCs on the wedding dinner. Ah memories! What’d we do without them?! We’d be less of a person that we are; without memories we’d be void of identity. After all, we are our memories, piece after piece that were accumulated and stacked up kinda like Jenga blocks, which gave us an idea of who we are…

This is the other side of the view from the bench. The State Library of Victoria, if I’m not mistaken. 

The hot chocolate was so thick and just like melted chocolate, it’s to die for! Didn’t fancy the whipped cream on top but it’d be hard to drink too if it’s all just chocolate. I regretted eating so much of the spaghetti earlier on before dessert… couldn’t really enjoy the hot choc and had coffee instead. Note to self- must return to this place the next visit, whenever that is. 
Shrine of Remembrance. They have a good collection of memorabilia and information about the two world wars, and the more recent ones too. 

Fire outside the Shrine. Made me all pensive and sad. Wars, guns, power, wealth, bloodshed…
Story never gets old, it’s still happening in some countries. 

Botanical Gardens where I spent an afternoon roaming around. 

Another nice place to sit and bask in the good weather. At peace. 
One of the many laneways where you can find cafes and dining places and little shops. 
I was walking around in circles looking for a place I wanted to try, but I couldn’t find it and kept coming back to the same block. Too hungry to walk anymore, I sat down at the first cafe I saw. It’s a nice little place, coffee was good, but the food looked better than it tasted. I mean, the only thing I really liked was the hash brown. Go figure. :/  Oh well. Never try never know. 

Melbourne – Part 2

As someone who grew up in a city, I feel at ease with huge crowd around me. I like being surrounded by the hustle and bustle (most of the time, with exceptions), but only just enough so I can get lost in the city and wrap myself up in my own thoughts, and not too much that it might overwhelm me. The lights, the trams’ bells, the street performances, the quirky fashion, the cafes sprinkled all over the city. They stimulate my senses, in a good way. Here I spent my time walking around, stopping to breathe and feel the drizzle on my cheek; I’d let all of me soak in everything that I see, feel, hear, smell, touch. The city’s tempo is fast, you can tell by the average speed of people walking on the streets, but it’s not as fast as those in New York City. You won’t get the irritated grunts whenever you slow down. People are very expressive too. Every day that I was there I saw people with Gothic makeup and eccentric clothes, which initially led me to think that there was some theme party or festival that I didn’t read about in the visitor’s guide, but later on I realized it’s just who they are. In my wildly imaginative mind though, I was almost convinced that there’s a whole group of them, part of Addam’s family or something, that congregates every evening at some secret place, and we’re just not privy to it. Boohoo. Not invited cuz we’re not cool enough.  >.<  At one point I was so curious I almost went up to them, oh I don’t know, for a picture maybe? Or a casual chat, and maybe get an invitation to the secret party. But I was too timid for my own liking, and they just walked on by. I was left alone with my own thoughts. Gah.

A mother trying to capture her son in still pictures but he just couldn’t be bothered. haha. 

One of the things I really enjoyed while I was there was visiting museums. The picture above is of the National Gallery of Victoria- NGV International (they have another one called NGV Australia). I wanted to go back there to check out the exhibition of Catherine The Great’s private collection, but never got the time to do so. As it is, there’s already so much to see in the free sections. It’s a pity I missed it. Ever since we learned about her during one history class I’ve held this fascination about her, wondering what her life was like back in the old Russian days before communism. Must’ve been a heck of a woman to lead the country back when women were expected to just take care of the family and do nothing else. Ah well. Perhaps another day, in another city.

Check out this award winning dress suit in the contemporary art section. 
If you have too many utensils and don’t know how to utilise them, here’s an idea. 😛  

I thought this chair was kinda cool. I’d get it if it was for sale. 

Federation Square. 

Fed Square seems to be where all the school kids hang out during their lunch break. Either the schools are all very close by, or they have very long breaks. So nice to be students there. They get to go for excursions every day it seems. One day to NGV, another day to ACMI (Australian Centre for the Moving Image), and another to Queen Victoria Markets. Seeing them having so much fun made me slightly envious of their school days.

On one of those days there was a performance- a mime show interacting with the school children. The event was to raise awareness of hearing problems, be it acquired or congenital, and after the performance they screened some video clips of people sharing their hearing problems and how getting a hearing aid helped change their lives. They had booths nearby encouraging people to get their hearing checked for free too. I gave it a pass… telling myself I probably don’t need it yet.  

Fed Square at night. A lot quieter but still nice and pretty. 
Yarra River, which according to my friend is quite polluted. Once there was a guy who canoed there and got food poisoning, which after investigation seemed to be related to this river. I don’t know how true this is, I just thought it’s a pretty intriguing story and now everytime I think of this river that’s what I’d picture in my mind. lol. 

View from where my friend lives. That’s Flinders Street Train Station, and behind it Yarra River. Every morning around 11am there will be two guys on the rooftop taking a ciggie break. Fun fact.
This is Flinders St train station again, at the front entrance. And a tram. 
Minutes before taking this picture, I was listening to this news anchor reporting on a strike that tram drivers are having to protest against the low wages. 

To be continued…

Melbourne – Part 1

Melbourne, or Australia in general, has always been on my list of places to visit. But I was never really serious about making my way there, mainly because I have friends and relatives there whom I know will always be there so I can go anytime I want and there’ll still be people I know to show me the place they call home. There’s always the next year. Then one day when I found out that my best friend was going to move to Japan, I have this sense of urgency to visit, before she leaves. It’s not that I can’t go when she’s not around, it’s just that to me Melbourne is her place, her territory, and it’d mean so much more to see how this place has shaped her, and what this place means to her. Also, I haven’t really spent more than a few hours each time I see her for the past decade or so, and that too I only get to see her once a year- if I’m lucky. So this trip would be a great time to just catch up and hang out. Thus began my journey to the Land Down Under. 🙂

I spent about a week in Melbourne, of which two days were spent in the country. On our way there we stopped at Mornington Peninsula for lunch at a winery, then headed for Sandy Point for the night. The next morning we went to Wilsons Promontory National Park for a walk/hike, before heading to Philip Island to see the penguins, and back to the city. Some pics below that highlight the best of the two days.

The winery where we had lunch. Weather was exceptionally good that day. Gentle breeze with warmth from the sun. 

 I don’t usually like bacon, but this is delish. Especially with the avocados. 

Meatballs. Just couldn’t get enough of it. 

Tomatoes with feta cheese and balsamic vinegar and dunno-whatelse but it’s really good. 

Some bird. Finger-licking good. 

This pic doesn’t do enough justice to the mushroom with sour cream on top. 
It’s easily on my top 3 list of all the dishes with tried. 

By now you can tell I’m no food writer nor food critic. 
But I do know how to appreciate really good food. 
This meal was one of the highlights during my time in Melbie. Will go back for more. 
Okay enough of food. This is Wilsons Prom National Park. Everything is just so blue and so green and breathtakingly beautiful. For a few hours that morning, I felt at peace. Didn’t want to think about anything. Just wanted to enjoy the moment, and revel in being alive. 

Bestie and I. Friends since 7, bff since 11. 

Peekaboo. 
Caught sight of a bird soaring high. 
My camera’s lens couldn’t capture any closer, this is as close as it gets. 
Some filming crew. A capsized boat and half naked boy with a bigger Tarzan like man. 
I wonder what film is this. 

Felt like I was transposed momentarily to heaven. 

Another slice of heaven, frozen forever in pixels. And in my memory. 
Penguin Parade Park in Philip Island.   
And I’m only slightly taller than the Eocene (prehistoric) penguins. :'( 
That’s about it for now. Don’t want to take up too much space posting photos. I’ve organised and shared my other photos on my Flickr. Check it out if  you want. 🙂  Cheers.