Found this note deep in the Draft section. Didn’t post it then because the pain was still raw. And so I kept it contained. I’m good at that, hiding emotions so people can’t see, can’t tell. All is well- on the outside. Nobody knows what goes on beneath the smiles. But years have passed, and it’s long enough that I feel like I can share now. So here it is. — Every beep and blip means different things in the ICU. There’s the cardiac monitoring alarm that goes off when oxygen level drops; the tone gets lower and lower, it’s…
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The days are long, but the years are short. I was just here three years ago; thought I was going to be around for a few more years, yet life has other plans for me. In less than a month, I’ll be moving on to a different city, for a different job. Honestly didn’t expect to be leaving this place so soon. A part of me feels a little wistful; another part of me needs to get out to save myself. I’ve tried to talk myself out of it, telling myself that I need to stick to what I initially…
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Sometimes life has a way of surprising you, throwing you rotten lemons at the speed of light, that you don’t even realize you got hit. This one hit me hard. For a while, the pain was so intense I almost lost sight of the big picture. I thought about whether to write about it here, but decided now is not the time to share. Perhaps one day, when the pain and trauma has subsided enough for me to talk and joke about it, I will write more. What is the big picture, though? We, mere humans, Homo sapiens, this insignificant…
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I lied. I said I’ll write more, but so many things happened since my last post, and I couldn’t muster enough energy to put my thoughts and emotions into words. Or maybe I just didn’t want to. Words elude me when sadness overwhelms, and all I want to do is just to run and hide. I dreamed of a 20-foot Sandman who was chasing me everywhere. No matter how far I run, he’d still get to me. Friends and family tried to protect me by allowing me to build secret passageways underneath their living quarters, and eventually I managed to…